Slowing down, taking time for yourself and establishing new habits that will last a lifetime.
Theme - Revealing
The focus has been on what might be revealed when we look at ourselves more closely in a photograph and a mirror and to acknowledge the aspects we love and judge.
I have struggled this week as I am not one to worry about appearance or what it says about me. I understand that is not the case for a lot of peoples but … I am quite happy with just who I am.
What is it about this picture that moves you?
The carefree, self-confident look on life it portrays.
The glass of wine in hand equates to the fun side of me
The hat at a jaunty angle shows style (maybe)
The smile in my eyes shows genuine mischief and sincerity
It shows my love for life, and the adventures it holds
My first reaction is why would you want to let go of the ‘who’ you are pertaining to, if that is the person you most want to be. People are not just born into the person they become, they have to work at it and if you have grown into the type of individual that you want to be then there would be no need to even want to ‘let go’ of that person. I am quite happy with who I am now.
I am pushing for 60 years old next year, over-weight (Rubenesque as depicted by the painter Peter Paul Rubens 1577-1640), unfit although not unhealthy, I creak when I move, have arthritis in both thumbs which makes everyday chores, well a chore but my mind is still more adventurous than my body has ever been. I have developed a ‘do no harm’ attitude by which I try very hard to live, and by which I have a habit of judging others by.
I am happy with who I am and where I am in my life … I am lucky enough to have reached a stage where I do not have to be anyone other than me.
What did it feel like to stand in front of the mirror?
They say that mirrors, and photographs never lie but that is not always the case. I do not mentally feel my age and so when I look in the mirror, I have to I be resigned to the fact that that years are catching up on me. The aging process is not being too unkind to me, but it is taking its toll. To be honest I don’t mind getting old. What I do mind is that bits of me are starting to wear out and stop working as they did. My ankle has never been right since I broke it, my back will always be an issue since getting knocked down by a car and I have arthritis in both thumbs which prevents me from doing a lot of delicate stuff like needlework, chopping vegetables or assembling flat-pack furniture. These things annoy me because the brain still considers that I should be able to.
So, that said when I look in the mirror, I still mostly like what I see, flaws and imperfections as well as the good bits but, I am still prone to dye my hair (purple or bright shades most of the time). I am not quite ready to accept they copious amounts of grey but more importantly a splash of colour is always fun.
What did you notice between the first, second, and third day you looked in the mirror?
I still just looked like me, like I usually do when I have just run a comb through my hair and made myself reasonably presentable. Nothing really changed but then maybe that is a good thing, maybe it means that I do see my true self and that there is now nothing more to reveal.
I think that could be something to do with age. As I get older, the more comfortable I am with who I am and where I am in my life.
Did the negative thoughts lose their charge by simply being more aware of them?
I can’t say there were really any negatives. Like everyone the first sight when I get up reveals a dishevelled mass of hair and a face that could do with a splash of cold water to wake it up but that is it. It is when I catch my reflection unexpectedly or see a photo that I didn’t know had been taken that my mind races. Usually it about the way I come across, or the mad thing I am getting up to but never about any negative aspects. I am over weight and sometimes that is accentuated by the way the photo has been taken or the way my reflection bounces back at me and it is then that my mind shouts about diets and getting fit but, and here I suppose is the crucial bit the thoughts are fleeting and have no impact on my psyche or the happiness I experience. Maybe because I simply do not dwell on them or more likely it is because in the great scheme of things a few pound (okay quite a few pounds) are inconsequential to how I choose to live my life.
What does it feel like to say "I exist, I matter, It is safe for me to show my true self" out loud?
I recently had a conversation with the nurse tasked with doing my blood pressure/diabetes check and naturally my weight was an issue, but it was only an issue as far as she was concerned. I asked her if losing weight would stop the diabetes … she said it wouldn’t. I asked if it would stop the back spasms that I get from time to time since being knocked down by a car … she said the damage to my hips was too much for the weight to make any difference. I asked her if shedding a few pounds would cure the arthritis in both thumb … again she told me it wouldn’t. I asked if my weight had anything to do with the blood poisoning I suffered every time I got a mozzie bit … she said it didn’t.
She did say that by going on a strict diet, cutting out all sugar, sweets, cakes etc. etc. and losing the excess weight would help ensure that I lived longer, to which I laughed. So, (I asked) let me get this straight the only thing that would change would be that I would live longer with all the health problems I already have (and possibly a few more as I got older) but that I would not have the fun of all the good things in life.
She reluctantly agreed … I decided I’d rather die sooner but enjoy the time I had by continuing to eat and drink all the things I love.
The main thing that has come out of this week for me is that I am okay with who I am.
I think there is a lot to be said about the concept of the way we live. The world is volatile, we all know this, and that fact is constantly reiterated through social media sites and newsfeeds, however … if you think there is nothing good out there then you will never see it. Likewise, if you constantly entertain distorted thoughts about the world and yourself you need to add some balance because there is good to be found, if you are prepared to look for it.
We are all playing a game for which there are no rules … so for me it makes more sense to seek out the little things and choose happiness over adversity.