Good actions … how many for fear of public opinion, or a desire to show off?
Mere Christianity – C. S. Lewis (1952)
Lewis had previously written … If there are rats in a cellar you are more likely to see them if you go in very suddenly, but the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows what an ill-tempered man I am.
It takes a lot to remain calm and impassive especially in situations that, as they say would test a saint. As with everyone, I tend to have mixed reactions to different situations but mostly I have the Italian quick hot temper that dissipates just as fast. I try hard not to hold grudges but there are some things that just stick and there is no way I can ever fully forgive, and never forget.
There is a Buddhist meditation called Mette Bhavana which means loving kindness. The idea is that you focus on five stages throughout each session. The first consists of feeling love for yourself, the second for good friends, the third to someone neutral that you know, the forth concentrate on thinking kind thoughts towards someone you actively dislike and the fifth is to extend these feelings out to the whole world.
I always stumble on number four. There are people in this world that I do truly wish that they would suffer as much pain as they have inflicted on me and my family. It is inset deep within me and I have always said that, at the time of going through the aftermath of their actions that I would have gladly served time to have just one opportunity to kill them. In hindsight, that would have been too merciful as removing them from this planet would not have made them suffer as they have made us do for the rest of our lives.
To take the life of another person has a far-reaching effect on not just loved ones but also friends and associates. The devastation is unimaginable unless witnessed first-hand and even though, for most life moves on there is always a corner of your mind and heart that still hurts just as much as if it was yesterday … that feeling remains constant forever.
A life sentence is automatically served by those left behind.