A Year to clear what is holding you back by Stephanie Bennett Vogt
It is all about slowing down, taking time for yourself and establishing new habits that will last a lifetime.
Theme – Cultivating Self-Care
Given how we've been raised it's no surprise to see how wired we are to serve others at the expense of ourselves.
How hard was it to say yes to self-care and no to anything that didn't serve and support you?
I think that this is something that I am finding more and more the right course of action the older I get. I have never really been one for putting me first, but I am beginning to do so as the preferred option. I have come to realise that time is running out, okay there is no telling just when it will run out for any of us but when young there is an idealist impression of invincibility and of having everything still in front of you. Once you reach the fifties that seems to start diminishing at a rapid rate. Reality is that by the age of fifty you have already lived more than half your life. Things of importance shift and time becomes a cherished commodity.
This all sounds grim, but it is not, it is an understanding that it is now that you should start to only do the things that matter to you. That is not to say that you turn into a self-centred curmudgeon who refuses to do anything that is not personally worthwhile but that you have to start picking and choosing just what it is that you want to get involved in.
What can you do to change that wiring around saying no to things that do not feel good to you?
There are several different types of people in this world and as far as I am concerned the ones to avoid are the energy-takers and those that are constantly negative about everything. They are the ones that will not only stop you from doing and enjoying the things that rock your boat but are demanding of your time. These people will use any trick they can to get their own way, or to stop you especially guilt.
Guilt-trips carry a lot less weight for me now than they did when I was younger. In fact, I will go as far as distancing myself from these people or eradicating them from my life. Things should be done because you want to do them and not for what you hope to get in return.
So, I think the key to putting me first is that I now have to remember my age. Sometimes I am not physically capable of doing what is asked and have no other option than to say no, but also, I have to consider what it will take out of me if I say yes. A physical activity could have my back going into spasm which puts me out of action for days afterwards and also if there is something important on the immediate horizon I do not want to be doing anything that will jeopardise my health so that I miss it. That said, if it is at all practical, and it suits me I do still try to engage as much as possible in the things other people are passionate about and usually what goes around, comes around and they will do the same for me.
I am a big believer in the principle of ‘Pay-it-Forward’ … to do things for others when it is not expected and usually for no reason other than because you think they will like it. However, I also believe in Karma, and that because no deed goes un-noticed then there will be some, often unrelated pay-back, which usually occurs when you least expect it.
There is a Scottish saying, ‘What’s for ye, won’t go by thee’ which I really like. I often live by the principle that is something is meant to happen then it will. There is also the saying, ‘Beware what you wish for because it might come true’ … which I like just as much.