Mere Christianity – C. S. Lewis (1952)
It takes a lot of control to be able to not retaliate, especially if the confrontation is verbal.
I am sure there ae not many, if any that can honestly say they have never said a cruel word in response at some time in their lives. As children we often simply say the first thing that comes into our heads which can be cruel and insensitive, but as we grow older and begin to learn about being polite we tend to strive to not hurting the feelings of other, even if that means simply saying nothing. This however often goes out the window in an argument, especially if unexpected.
Lewis goes on to write about that it would be worse if it was deliberate and premeditated and that what was said was as a result of not having the chance to disguise the truth.
There is an old wives’ tale which maintains that words said in the heat of the moment express how we really feel, but I am not so sure on that one. I think it depends on the nature of the argument, the people involved and what has occurred previously. There are times when things are said to simply cause as much hurt as possible or to score some kind of moral point.
The words I Hate You are probably some of the most commonly utilised. Children say it to close relatives because they are well aware of the impact, as to the teenage years it often becomes a well-worn mantra. Throughout childhood, and sometimes beyond best-friends have an ongoing love/hate relationship falling-out on many occasions only to make-up just as quickly. As adult, there is a fine line walked by couples with love being the binding element, whilst there are times when that is not so, and in my opinion arguments are a healthy, if uncomfortable part of sharing your life with another individual. However, when the arguments out-weigh the pleasure or one partner does something that is unforgivable and the invisible line that is crossed that there seems to be an almost inbuilt need for not just retaliation but to hurt the other person more. That, it seems is when anything goes and although it is often not outright lies that are hurled things are often dragged from the past and escalated out of proportion.
Every argument erodes a little bit of trust which can never fully be replaced.