The Weight of Glory – C. S. Lewis (1980)
There was a train of thought back in the 1990’s that a victim could only get complete closure on a traumatic event by confronting the perpetrator, to ask the big question like why and why me and hopefully find some justification for the event.
Psychologist still often advocate this approach as they believe that it gives the victim structure and control of what has happened. However, confrontation can be harmful, emotionally challenging, and non-productive.
After the murder of my partner I was (wrongly as it turns out) advised to write to the killer. To put in words exactly what the effect of his action had on myself and the families involved. I drafted and re-drafted, discussed it in detail with my psychiatrist and eventually it was sent. The results were devastating.
I am not sure how prison security can allow such responses to be sent, there was obviously no security around what is sent out, or if there was then I am appalled at the thought of this letter being approved for mailing.
The person that killed my partner didn’t care, he described all casualties of gang-war as collateral damage and that lives were disposable, especially people that were outside the gang culture. This train of thought was one that was also upheld by the laws of this land because as he had not technically gone out with the intentions of killing my partner specifically then the murder charge was reduced, on a legal technicality to one of manslaughter, for which he was sentenced to just eighteen months.
In the letter, he also eluded that he would have no hesitation in doing the same things again.
The result of all this was anything but the clarity that I had hoped for.
Post Note:
Although the contents of the letter were made known to the police, nothing was (or maybe could) be done with regards to the potential danger he might pose to others. True to his word once released he killed again, but this time although premeditated he was clever enough to provoke the other person to hit out first so his actions were classed as self-defence … thus he (again) got away with yet another manslaughter conviction of just a few months.