When we are going through a difficult time, we may hesitate to call even our best friends because we don't want to burden them with our troubles. This can be especially true if we've been going through a series of challenges, and we're starting to feel as if we sound like a broken record. It is important to remember that at times like these our friends sincerely want to be there for us whenever they can. We can always check with them to make sure it's a good time for them before we start talking, and if it's not a good time, we can call back at another time, or call another friend.
We know for ourselves that when we have a good friend, we don't want them to suffer alone when we are just a phone call away. We want them to call us and share their sorrows with us, as well as their joys, because this is what sharing a life through friendship is about. It is at our lowest points that we really need to rely on our friends without worrying that we are a burden.
Without our friends, we would be hard pressed to get through the tough times. If we leave our friends out of our process when the going gets tough, our friendships can begin to feel shallow.
My Thoughts:
I tend to be a loner. It stems back to me being an only child and not having very much interaction with children my own age, until I started school. Even then, I was never one for making friends, preferring to spend my break-times reading on my own in the corner of the playground. I hated any activity that required me to work with others or be part of a group.
To be honest, I am still a lot like that even now. There are a handful of people that I am comfortable with, but still shun continuous contact with them. We do go out socialising but not often. I like being on my own and spend hours in the study, usually writing while my husband potters about the house. However, I love running writing groups and workshops. Interaction then is not a problem for me as it is focused on what I like doing best, and it is (hopefully) inspiring others for the same passion.
As to when things are difficult for me, I do tend to lock myself away and not let anyone in on what I am going through. This, I suppose comes back to my childhood as I was always expected to sort myself out regardless of what the issue was, and never be a bother to anyone else.
When I had counselling after my former partner was killed, I spend most of the sessions explaining all the practical steps that I had to take. The logistics of sorting out finances, dealing with the police, keeping people updated, plus a host of other stuff, and that how I would spend hours on the phone with family that needed to talk about how they were not coping. Eventually, I was asked who was looking out for me, and who was the person that I went to when I couldn’t handle things. The answer was, that there was no-one.
I learnt at an early age to get through things on my own terms and that still holds true to this day, but I am, and always have been the one my friends can turn to at whatever the hour, day and night. I am happy with that. Those close to me know that there are times when I just need to be left alone, but even then, if things get out of hand, I will still be there to try and help them put the pieces back together.
When I tell someone … if there is anything I can do, just shout … I really mean it.